Monday, 12 March 2012

When starting over brings more heartache

This wasn't how we planned on starting our blog to share with the Club Surro, but here we are!  We actually had a plan to begin on a positive note and make our story known once we could safely say that we are pregnant (for the first time) and expecting in awww 6ish months.  However last Saturday brought us back to the reality of the miracle of creating life with an unexpected email from India explaining how our 8 week old fetus was showing no cardiac activity on the scans taken.
We were absolutely devastated and found out that Dr. Shivani and the embryologist were just as shocked over this as us given that our little bubble was making excellent progress each week.  We found ourselves in a daze and numb trying to comprehend that we were going through yet another loss.  Our loss was endured silently as were all our previous losses, yet this time it seemed compounded by the fact that India seemed so far, far away from us here in Australia.

We reached out for the first time to poor Meg and Margarida to try and understand how to cope with this new level of pain and we trawled through countless blogs trying to pick up on how others who have gone before us on this surrogacy journey have coped with the loss of miscarriage without the support of family or friends.  Admittedly we had previously read all your blogs for the heartbreakingly good news not the sad news.  So if anyone can share with us some words of wisdom about how to get through these next few weeks it would be much appreciated.

Our story so that we have been trying to start our family for 10 years now which has financially and emotionally robbed us of some of the best years of our lives.  Testing after the initial 12 months without conceiving revealed that I had a uterine abnormality which 3 different gynies had 3 different opinions about exactly what the abnormality was.  The final conclusion was a dideiphus mullerian abnormality and for good measure menopause was also thrown in at the ripe old age of 34.  This outcome was only known to us in the last 6 months and previously we had a failed IVF attempt and had numerous unconfirmed miscarriages over the years.
We made a decision to abandoned our 3 years spent waiting to be allocated a child through international adoption before we started our IVF treatment as that seemed to be going no-where fast.
The discussion of surrogacy came up once again as this really now is our last shot at becoming parents.  So in September last year we approached SCI and decided to give surrogacy shot.  We were in India in January this year and had the privileged of meeting the talented Dr. Shivani and her team and they have been in our hearts and minds everyday since.  So we transferred 4 embryos and considered ourselves very, very lucky to have 1 stay with us for 8 weeks.

So now with slightly more fragile hearts we hope to try again very soon with some of our frozen embies.  So now we hope and pray that for 'a Dehli Ashi - which translates to a Dehli Blessing or Miracle'.
Thank you to everyone for sharing a special piece of your private lives with others like this is the only place we can go for information, reassurances, to have a laugh and a cry with all things surrogacy and infertility related and where others are actually walking in the same shoes and experiencing the same personal stories.